Hello Akriti. I enjoyed the picture you used on your home page. The lamp looks beautiful and I like the smoke that is coming out of it. I think a better picture could be found for your introduction page. The signature on the image takes away from the picture itself. I know there will be many to choose from online. I love Aladdin and all the other Disney classics that came out during my childhood. I am excited to see where you go with these stories. I am glad he still has Abu in his life. That would be a sad day if they were separated. I am not sure all the exclamations are necessary. I believe I read a story last semester very similar to the one you are writing. I am glad that Jasmine and Aladdin are still going to come together in your version of the story. Hopefully it all works out in the end.
I certainly see how the tale of "Aladdin and the Wonderful Lamp" influenced your story! I think that it would be particularly interesting to include a casting in your Introduction... who would play Aladdin? Who would play the two genies? What about the uncle? Especially with all the discourse lately about the role of representation and casting, it might be a fun way to comment indirectly. I'm also particularly interested in why you've reversed the relative wealth of Jasmine and Aladdin, though I assume that'll become clear as you continue to publish stories. It sounds like you're intending for her to become a pretty prominent character (I'm all about the woman taking the lead and showing Aladdin "a whole new world" as you put it). I'm also curious if there will be any intrigue between the two brothers and how that will impact Jasmine and Aladdin. Sounds like they have a lot of catching up to do.
Hi Akriti! I love that you begin by telling us a summary of your characters and your storybook. I think it is very unique. Your storybook has a really interesting plot, and I think readers will find it very intriguing.
Toward the end of your intro, in the 4th paragraph, you begin talking about the evil character of your storybook. I like that you explain the reasons for why the magician is plotting revenge, however, this paragraph was a little confusing to read. When you describe the magician and his hatred toward his family, sometimes it is difficult to understand which characters you are referring to. Maybe you could consider first explaining that Aladdin has an uncle who is an evil magician, and then give the uncle/magician a name, so the audience can identify to whom you are referring to when you talk about that character. So, instead of using pronouns like "he" and "him" and words like "brother", you can use the character's names to distinguish whom you are talking about whether it be the Sultan, Aladdin, or the magician/uncle/brother of the Sultan. Good job, and I am looking forward to reading what else you come up with.
I'm so excited to see what you do with your storybook! My only familiarity with Aladdin is from the Disney movie, and it's been years since I've seen even that, so I can't wait to read something more rooted in the source stories. The recap of the original is very helpful, as it gives a baseline of what you're drawing from before you even get into the stories and helps orient the reader. I also love how excited you sound in your introduction - it's obvious that you're eager to tell the stories, and that makes me eager to read them! I did notice that in the second paragraph you mention a ring genie and lamp genie, but you don't really get to the fact that there are two genies until way later in your introduction. You might want to consider mentioning that before you name them to help avoid confusion. Overall, I'm looking forwards to keeping up with this storybook!
Hello Akriti! You may not recognize me, I am from the epics of India section. I decided to choose your project because I love Aladdin! I would replay the carpet scene over and over because I loved the song. I think it is an interesting theme to use. Your banner picture of the genie lamp is so high definition. I love all the details I can see on the lamp! I like how you are going to the Aladdin story in a new, different way. It will be interesting to see Aladdin be rich and Zakiya be the poor one. I like that you are going to explore their separate lives before diving into their love story. I will be checking back on your storybook! Can't wait to read more!
Hey Akriti. I love the title for your storybook. As someone who absolutely loved Disney's Aladdin growing up, seeing the most iconic song from the movie really grabbed my attention and made me want to read the story. I like how you reversed the backgrounds of Aladdin and the princess. Having him be the one who is royalty and her be the poor one will make for some really interesting changes to their relationship and the dynamics between them.
Hi Akriti! First of all, I'm a Disney fan and I love the idea of your storybook! I can already tell from your introduction that you've taken the time to really think about the stories you are going to develop. From the beginning I was interested on what you were going to write about. I especially like the twists you are going to be putting on the original story, with Aladdin actually being wealthy and the princess is the poor one. Plus I am excited to see what you are going to do with the two genies and the evil uncle. I liked that with each of the characters you are going to talk about you bolded their title in the paragraph. This helped emphasize what other banners you will have in your storybook. One suggestion I have is to make sure you site all your pictures, even the ones in your banner, but other than that, looks like you are off to a great start! Can't wait to read more!
It's been a while since I've seen Aladdin so reading your introduction brought back a lot of memories. Still, I don't really remember everything that happened so your reminder was refreshing. I'm excited to see what you do with the new characters as well as the original ones. Do you plan on having the original genies make a comeback or are you going to invent your own?
The twist in your story should be fun to pull off, and it seems like a bit of a role reversal. You frame the magician in a light that makes him almost sympathetic, and I think it would be awesome if you kept that up. My favorite villains are the ones that you're secretly rooting for the whole time. So far, it looks like you have a great setup and I'm excited to see what you do with the stories you have planned.
Hi Akriti! I love your intro. I read it last week, and the changes that you made to your intro were awesome. I think your edits really helped to improve your intro, and it is really great.
That was a good idea to bold and capitalize certain words and names to place emphasis on them (I probably will start trying that technique using bold and all capital letters, so thanks for that clever idea). Also, I like when you address the audience directly, when you write "yes, you heard right". That addition is a fun part that lets you interact with the audience, and it is great!
When you write, "Genies! There are two of them." Would you consider forming this into one sentence? So, instead it would say, "Genies (there are two of them)!" Awesome job on your intro, and I am looking forward to your next story book page "Why Not Me?".
Hi Akriti! I really liked your intro. I like how you started off by telling us what happens in the original. You went into great detail so that we can fully understand how you are going to change you stories. I also like how you went into detail for each character that will be in play in the story and where and what they come from. This gives us a sense of how things are going to play out when reading the first story. I like how you switched the roles of the princess and Aladdin, it adds in a new and fun twist. I like that your first story is from the perspective of the uncle and that it starts off with him ranting about how it’s BS that he is not king. And then it goes into detail why he should be king over his nephew. It really sets the stage for what he is willing to do to become king.
Hi Akriti! I really liked your introduction as well as your first story! The introduction did a good job of laying the framework of the story. It gave the reader a good glimpse of the characters and how they might potentially interact with each other. The use of the bolded names was nice as it drew my attention to the characters. Now for the story, I liked the first person narrative from the uncle. The fact that he was talking to himself gives a look into his psychological state. I know that this character's relationship to Aladdin and even Aladdin's relationship to the throne were changed. However, it does seem strange that the sultan's uncle would expect the throne. Typically, the throne is passed down to the King's son and not his brother. Anyways, I really enjoyed the magical jacket as it was a nice little plot twist from the traditional lamp. Great job, and I look forward to reading more!
Your introduction does an excellent job of setting up your story and telling just enough to interest the Rader, but not enough to spoil the tale. It reminded me of a good book cover... it made me want to click over to the first story. Great job with this!
Azaam's introduction instantly made me think of Scar from the Lion King. You switched verb tenses in the last paragraph of the first section of your story. I'm not sure if it was intentional, but it was a little confusing. I really like how it's a genie of a jacket rather than a lamp, it's a much more practical item.
I really like how you're mixing Disney's rendition of Aladdin with the original Arabian Night's version. I also think it's brilliant to switch the roles of Aladdin and his princess. It feels like Cinderella meets The Lion King meets Aladdin and I could not be more excited to continue reading it. Great job!
Akriti, So first off I really like your introduction and the spin you are putting on this story! This is such a well-known story, even with the original details, that it is nice that you are completely switching it up. I also love that you're letting the woman come in and change Aladdin's life, that is also a nice change. I also really like the names you chose, they fit the story well. A minor detail is the last sentence of the second to last paragraph of your first story seems to be in the wrong tense. Something that is confusing to me is why would the Sultan get to pick the next Sultan? Typically the son always takes over the throne, and the brother is not considered for the position. So if you want to make that a main motivation of the uncle you might want to set some precedence like, "on the Sultan's 60th birthday it is tradition he picks the successor to the throne from among his eligible male relatives". All in all I really like what you have so far!
Hello! I really enjoyed reading this cool little twist on Aladdin. Your introduction gave me a good idea of what to expect while reading your first story. I like how your introduction is more of an address to your audience, rather than a piece of the story. It let me know what changes you were going to make ahead of time and where the the story you are basing it off of comes from. As for the first story, I am super impressed! I didn't expect that it would be from the perspective of the magician. It is always good to perfectly understand the intentions of the "villain" and you did that well here. The end of the story also gives us a peak into the perspective of Aladdin and how he is going to be able to escape the mountain. Lastly, your author's note was really good. It is similar to your introduction, which is good if someone were to not read it. I look forward to the rest you your story.
First off, I love that you have flipped the script on Aladdin, making Aladdin a rich prince and Zakiya a poor commoner! I am eager to read about how the dynamic in their relationship changes as a result of their new roles. I think you could really dig into some social issues there, if that's a direction you want your Storybook to take.
As you wrote, did you struggle to differentiate your story from the Disney film? Is that a goal of your Storybook, or would you rather reflect Disney's classic? I am writing about the Roman/Greek Gods, and have had some difficulty not writing my characters like those from Hercules. I would love to read one of your genies as Robin Williams; maybe the other could be in stark contrast from his humor and warmth? Whatever qualities your characters take on, I am excited to keep reading!
Hey, Akriti! I am very impressed with the development of your storybook. I would like to start by commenting on your introduction. I really liked how you took the time to explain the original stories as well as the characters. Although it is based on a well known story, you cannot assume everyone know about Aladdin. I think that you did a great job of introducing the story and your twist to it. One technique that really stuck out to me was your the different type of text and effects you used. I really enjoyed that and may try to use it in my own writing soon!
Also, I am such a disney fan! I love all of the movies so I am very excited to see where the rest of the stories will go. Will you include other disney characters? Anyways, I will be back to your storybook soon to see what new stories you come up with!
Your storybook immediately drew my attention. I absolutely love Disney movies and I especially love the story of Aladdin. Your introduction did a great job of introducing your characters by using brief explanations, along with an intro to Aladdin for those who have forgotten the original story. That's a great way to start out. One thing that really stood out to me about all of your stories was your writing format. I really liked all of the dialogue exchanges between the different characters. There is only one thing that I would recommend - think about adding some photos to give the readers an illustration of the characters or settings. I know it seems like something minor, but for me, it really helps me to dive into the story and imagine everything happening in my head. But other than that, you did a great job!
I also just want to say that I am so impressed that you have completed all of your stories! I have been so busy in my other classes that I am just now starting on my second story. So great job!! I really look forward to staying in touch with this storybook.
I would like to start out by complimenting the beauty of your pages! All of the photos are amazing and add so much to each of your stories and to your comment wall. Also, from the get-go, I was so excited to read your stories. I think that making your stories all about something many of us are familiar with was a fabulous idea. By the looks of it, it even got you excited about your project! I am so impressed by all that you have done.
As far as content goes, you did a great job providing thorough explanations that allow those that aren't completely familiar with the original story a glimpse as to where you got the ideas. I think it would be so cool to include some other movie characters or maybe even a movie clip into one of your stories. Thank you so much for sharing and I look forward to reading more of your work in the future!
Nice to meet your Akriti! I just finished reading your first story, "Why Not Me". At first I thought you were retelling a Myth-Folklore story into the story of Aladdin, but I was amazed to find out that Aladdin was actually a part Myth-Folklore. Although I did love that you recreated your Aladdin to be a clone of the one from the Disney movie, I was not aware that Disney added so much to the character, namely the monkey, as opposed to the original Folklore. If in my class, as I am from Indian Epics we get the oppurtunity to read another story from your class with our own choice in whose we read I will definetely be reading some more of yours! I love how you created an entire storybook based off of Aladdin. I also love the movie and having had seen it before many times, it makes it easier to read your story.
Hi Krits!! :) I am in the Indian Epics course taught by Dr. Gibbs and I am just dropping by to read some of the Myth-Folklore projects! Honestly, I did not even see your name at first but the title "A Whole New World" caught my eye because it reminded me of Disney princesses in general and of course Aladdin and Jasmine. In your Introduction, I enjoyed how you literally set the stage for your whole Storybook. You gave readers pertinent background story and information, and you outlined and described the main characters that readers will get to know throughout the Storybook. In all of your stories thus far, there is this unique urge and alluring aspect about them that makes me and probably other readers want to read more. The stories are descriptive and funny yet still focuses at the topic at hand. This quality is so unique to have when it comes to telling stories and I think you got it, Krits. :) I enjoyed how you put the character's name (i.e., (ALADDIN)) that each story kind of focuses on at the beginning because it allows readers to know ahead of time what that central perspective is from. I am curious to know if readers will hear a story from the perspective of Zakiya...Overall, what a wonderful project you have created, Krits! Way to go:)
Hi Akriti! I'm in Indian Epics this semester, and I'm really enjoying reading Mythology and Folklore stories that are so different from Indian epics this week. First in "Why Not Me?" I like how you made sure to give Azzam a motivation to hate his brother and Aladdin when the Sultan Insulted him. I wonder if you can explore more of how Azzam's rage grew as he goes from thinking "He thinks I'm just an entertainer!" to "He thinks of me as a joke." I feel like that might be an interesting place to delve into the emotions of the main antagonist and give him some more depth.
I love how you flipped the roles of Aladdin and the princess in the original, and the way you introduce it in "Am I Dreaming?" by having her pick the lock is a fun way of letting the reader know Zakiya is the street smart one in this story.
Hey there, Akriti! I was excited to check out your storybook when I read the project title. It definitely gave me some Disney vibes. I loved watching Disney movies when I was young, so I was pulled in from the start. When I read the introduction I was happy to see that you followed suit and delivered some amazing stories about Aladdin. I was in the Myth Folklore class last semester and remember reading the Arabian Nights stories. Those were definitely some of my favorite. I think you are doing a great job staying true to the source and adding in your own creative touch. The website layout also looks great. It is very easy to navigate and has some great background images. I think the introduction also does a great job of providing the reader some great background information before reading the stories. I encourage you to keep up the great work! You are on the right track here.
Hi Akriti! Thank you for sharing your storybook with us! I am really loving the layout design of this website. It's a bold option and I always appreciate boldness in courage specifically in relation to design and patterns. Great job at the organizational side of things as well, here! Your stories are super unique and intricate, I definitely appreciated all the twists you gave that were clear and concise and left no details out, yet still let the reader hang on and continue wishing and hoping for the next story or plot change. You have a really creative side to your writing and that is of the most importance, in my opinion! You have a gift in that. Thank you again for sharing! I look forward to reading more from you and your stories to come. Have a great week 11!
I love your idea for your portfolio! Aladdin is one of my favorite children's stories, and I had no idea that there was so much more to it. The flow of your portfolio is great. It's super easy to read and the titles of the tabs fit well with what that particular part of the story describes. The pictures are also a great visual! The story itself flowed great as well. There were no parts that were dragged out or anything too short! The only thing I would recommend is maybe add a bit more descriptive words to the scenery to help the readers gain a better mental image of what your story's world looks like. I always find that to help me connect really well with the story! I also liked how you made Zakiya not seem like a damsel in distress and she actually fought back! Overall, I enjoyed your stories and wish you luck with the rest of the semester!
WOW! You've tied your project and comment wall very well! The design and layout of your website is phenomenal. I just got done reading your introduction and I loved how you chose to change up Aladdin's background. I read through the story once and was just amazed and read back through it again for anything that could help you improve your story. Unfortunately I couldn't find anything wrong. Your introduction was short and gave enough information to entice the reader to continue to venture through the rest of you project. I cannot wait to read your "Why Not Me?" story next!
Way to go on finishing up your project! Good luck on finishing the rest of your semester. Also forgot to mention, what a brilliant idea to pick you project based on the stories of Aladdin. I always loved watching Aladdin growing up and fun fact I made it a point to get a picture with Aladdin and DisneyWorld!
Akriti, This is my first time viewing your project and I am very impressed! First off, your theme of Aladdin instantly drew me in, and you banner images/pictures chosen throughout the project are wonderful! I love that you tied your comment wall and project theme together, it is very nice! It's nice that in your introduction you gave a quick recap of what happened previously. This could be useful for those who are unfamiliar with Aladdin and his adventures (although I hope everyone is!).
I'm going to focus on your second story, Genie, Oh Genie. The dialogue that you added was great! I could really picture in my head what was going on. You are really great at describing the scene and I liked the way you portrayed the character of the Genie. After reading your author's note, I want to applaud you for changing up the plot so much! You have really created a whole new plot, and that is not easy to do! And I think Aladdin 2.0 is a really cute and fun name for your work. Great job and congrats on finishing your project!
Hey Akriti, I am a sucker for anything and all things Disney so I am so glad your project is Aladdin themed. It also seems like the most fitting for Indian Epics so great choice of theme! First of all, you have so much of your storybook done; it is really impressive, especially because everything is such great quality! The different take on the genie in Genie, Oh Genie is really creative and imaginative. That was probably my favorite part because I like the idea of a genie so much. Though, Genies always take things so literally in other stories that the wishes go bad so I am glad that did not happen, but I was surprised that Aladdin wasted a wish on getting out of the cave. Altogether, it seems like you have a solid storybook and I am so excited to see it all put together in the end! Thanks for sharing your story.
Hi Akriti! Last time I read your storybook, it was just the introduction. I wondered how your story would stack up to the original, and I have to say: great job! You really took the original characters and themes and made them your own. I like that you blended elements from the traditional story and the disney retelling. On top of that, the whole thing had a light and fun atmosphere that made reading your storybook enjoyable. I smiled that even at the end of this story, the magician was starting to plot his revenge.
One thing that you pull off really well is the shifting perspectives. While of course we’re all rooting for Aladdin, the parts that are told by Azzam are just as entertaining. I love his cockiness and unreliability as a narrator. The “injustice” that he rages at in the first story gives a lot of color to his character and makes the rest of his actions believable. Overall, this was an awesome read and I’m struggling to think of anything I would change. It might be cool to get more of the genies’ personalities to shine through?
First off, I love the different headers on your website, they definitely help with the story telling.
I enjoyed your introduction and how you explained the original Arabian Nights tales and well as the characters you would be using in your stories. I really enjoyed the second story in your storybook, “Genie, Oh Genie.” The way the reading flowed differently from the other stories, such as “Why Not Me?” really helped me get a sense of Aladdin and Genie’s personalities. I also like how you switched the magic item to be a jacket. It fit well with the accidental rubbing and releasing of the genie. Something I wondered about while reading your story is why Aladdin trusted what Genie said so quickly. Genie describes how he granted the wish about vanishing a little brother, which is what got him trapped in the jacket. Aladdin’s first thought was “Poor Genie, oh genie!” I do like that that was the story’s title, but I wonder how things might be different if Aladdin was a little distrustful at first. Maybe he would question genie as to why he took wishes so literally?
This story was really well written, and I applaud you for already having the whole thing finished!
Hi Akriti! Last time I visited your storybook site it only had the introduction, so it's cool to come back to it now that there are so many stories! I really enjoyed your first story and appreciated how you flipped the perspective to the villain! I think it's a refreshing change to the original and it really makes the reader contextualize the story in a completely different way. Also, making Aladdin be the Sultan's son instead of a random poor boy is a great twist! These sorts of changes, like that and the genie being tied to a jacket instead of a lamp, are particularly effective for your storybook, since at a minimum the Disney version of your source is probably familiar to all of us in the class. I think it's great that you decided to alter the plot so much for this reason, while still giving us the intro and first story to ground us in something a little more familiar. If I had one criticism, it would be that the second story doesn't seem to advance the plot very far and seems like it could have been shortened and worked into another section. Otherwise, fantastic job!
Wow, this is such a great storybook! I really admire how you created and introduced each characters to everything can be clear and enjoyable to read. I also love your influence for these stories. Aladdin was always one of my favorites growing up, and it is so cool to see the tale in a different light. My only thoughts as far as criticism, would be to clear up the second story just a little bit. It seemed a little long and could have been dispersed through out other stories. I truly enjoyed your writings, your creativity and writing skills really shined through this storybook and I am eager to read more of this!
Hi Akriti, your storybook is so cleverly written! You have done a great job at being able to tell the story so that I feel like I am a part of it. I also like that you remind readers who is telling the story at the beginning of every story, it's a great way to center the audience. I love the changes you have made by switching the two roles of the main characters. Having Zakiya as the 'street rat' and Aladdin as the prince is brilliant and a great change in the tory. I like to two genies in this story. Your storybook gives me the idea to write some sort of short story from the genie's point of view about what it is like to constantly be at the orders of others. I noticed a few small grammatical errors in your last two stories, but they didn't impair the quality of reading.
Overall, great job and you have written an excellent storybook!
Hi Akriti! I could tell from just reading your introduction that I was in for a “Whole New World.” You introduction is great because it tells your readers that you are going to write about Aladdin but add a bunch of new things to the original story. I like how in your first story you have the Uncle imprison Aladdin in between the two mountains. However, I wonder if that will come back to bite him as he revealed to Aladdin that he is not a very nice uncle. If I were in the magician’s place I think I would put on a mask or something to keep my identity secret. For your last story I have a question as a reader. How did Azzam use the pendant for so long but not realize that a genie was inside? I realize that he didn’t know it contained a genie but how would that be possible if he used it all the time? Also how did Zakiya take the pendant off of him if she was transported to the dungeon with the black smoke? These are just some things I would address, other than that you did a wonderful job!
Hello Akriti. I enjoyed the picture you used on your home page. The lamp looks beautiful and I like the smoke that is coming out of it. I think a better picture could be found for your introduction page. The signature on the image takes away from the picture itself. I know there will be many to choose from online. I love Aladdin and all the other Disney classics that came out during my childhood. I am excited to see where you go with these stories. I am glad he still has Abu in his life. That would be a sad day if they were separated. I am not sure all the exclamations are necessary. I believe I read a story last semester very similar to the one you are writing. I am glad that Jasmine and Aladdin are still going to come together in your version of the story. Hopefully it all works out in the end.
ReplyDeleteAkriti,
ReplyDeleteI certainly see how the tale of "Aladdin and the Wonderful Lamp" influenced your story! I think that it would be particularly interesting to include a casting in your Introduction... who would play Aladdin? Who would play the two genies? What about the uncle? Especially with all the discourse lately about the role of representation and casting, it might be a fun way to comment indirectly. I'm also particularly interested in why you've reversed the relative wealth of Jasmine and Aladdin, though I assume that'll become clear as you continue to publish stories. It sounds like you're intending for her to become a pretty prominent character (I'm all about the woman taking the lead and showing Aladdin "a whole new world" as you put it). I'm also curious if there will be any intrigue between the two brothers and how that will impact Jasmine and Aladdin. Sounds like they have a lot of catching up to do.
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteHi Akriti! I love that you begin by telling us a summary of your characters and your storybook. I think it is very unique. Your storybook has a really interesting plot, and I think readers will find it very intriguing.
ReplyDeleteToward the end of your intro, in the 4th paragraph, you begin talking about the evil character of your storybook. I like that you explain the reasons for why the magician is plotting revenge, however, this paragraph was a little confusing to read. When you describe the magician and his hatred toward his family, sometimes it is difficult to understand which characters you are referring to. Maybe you could consider first explaining that Aladdin has an uncle who is an evil magician, and then give the uncle/magician a name, so the audience can identify to whom you are referring to when you talk about that character. So, instead of using pronouns like "he" and "him" and words like "brother", you can use the character's names to distinguish whom you are talking about whether it be the Sultan, Aladdin, or the magician/uncle/brother of the Sultan.
Good job, and I am looking forward to reading what else you come up with.
Hi Akriti!
ReplyDeleteI'm so excited to see what you do with your storybook! My only familiarity with Aladdin is from the Disney movie, and it's been years since I've seen even that, so I can't wait to read something more rooted in the source stories. The recap of the original is very helpful, as it gives a baseline of what you're drawing from before you even get into the stories and helps orient the reader. I also love how excited you sound in your introduction - it's obvious that you're eager to tell the stories, and that makes me eager to read them! I did notice that in the second paragraph you mention a ring genie and lamp genie, but you don't really get to the fact that there are two genies until way later in your introduction. You might want to consider mentioning that before you name them to help avoid confusion. Overall, I'm looking forwards to keeping up with this storybook!
Hello Akriti! You may not recognize me, I am from the epics of India section. I decided to choose your project because I love Aladdin! I would replay the carpet scene over and over because I loved the song. I think it is an interesting theme to use. Your banner picture of the genie lamp is so high definition. I love all the details I can see on the lamp! I like how you are going to the Aladdin story in a new, different way. It will be interesting to see Aladdin be rich and Zakiya be the poor one. I like that you are going to explore their separate lives before diving into their love story. I will be checking back on your storybook! Can't wait to read more!
ReplyDeleteHey Akriti. I love the title for your storybook. As someone who absolutely loved Disney's Aladdin growing up, seeing the most iconic song from the movie really grabbed my attention and made me want to read the story. I like how you reversed the backgrounds of Aladdin and the princess. Having him be the one who is royalty and her be the poor one will make for some really interesting changes to their relationship and the dynamics between them.
ReplyDeleteHi Akriti! First of all, I'm a Disney fan and I love the idea of your storybook! I can already tell from your introduction that you've taken the time to really think about the stories you are going to develop. From the beginning I was interested on what you were going to write about. I especially like the twists you are going to be putting on the original story, with Aladdin actually being wealthy and the princess is the poor one. Plus I am excited to see what you are going to do with the two genies and the evil uncle. I liked that with each of the characters you are going to talk about you bolded their title in the paragraph. This helped emphasize what other banners you will have in your storybook. One suggestion I have is to make sure you site all your pictures, even the ones in your banner, but other than that, looks like you are off to a great start! Can't wait to read more!
ReplyDeleteHi Akriti!
ReplyDeleteIt's been a while since I've seen Aladdin so reading your introduction brought back a lot of memories. Still, I don't really remember everything that happened so your reminder was refreshing. I'm excited to see what you do with the new characters as well as the original ones. Do you plan on having the original genies make a comeback or are you going to invent your own?
The twist in your story should be fun to pull off, and it seems like a bit of a role reversal. You frame the magician in a light that makes him almost sympathetic, and I think it would be awesome if you kept that up. My favorite villains are the ones that you're secretly rooting for the whole time. So far, it looks like you have a great setup and I'm excited to see what you do with the stories you have planned.
Hi Akriti! I love your intro. I read it last week, and the changes that you made to your intro were awesome. I think your edits really helped to improve your intro, and it is really great.
ReplyDeleteThat was a good idea to bold and capitalize certain words and names to place emphasis on them (I probably will start trying that technique using bold and all capital letters, so thanks for that clever idea). Also, I like when you address the audience directly, when you write "yes, you heard right". That addition is a fun part that lets you interact with the audience, and it is great!
When you write, "Genies! There are two of them." Would you consider forming this into one sentence? So, instead it would say, "Genies (there are two of them)!" Awesome job on your intro, and I am looking forward to your next story book page "Why Not Me?".
Hi Akriti! I really liked your intro. I like how you started off by telling us what happens in the original. You went into great detail so that we can fully understand how you are going to change you stories. I also like how you went into detail for each character that will be in play in the story and where and what they come from. This gives us a sense of how things are going to play out when reading the first story. I like how you switched the roles of the princess and Aladdin, it adds in a new and fun twist. I like that your first story is from the perspective of the uncle and that it starts off with him ranting about how it’s BS that he is not king. And then it goes into detail why he should be king over his nephew. It really sets the stage for what he is willing to do to become king.
ReplyDeleteHi Akriti! I really liked your introduction as well as your first story! The introduction did a good job of laying the framework of the story. It gave the reader a good glimpse of the characters and how they might potentially interact with each other. The use of the bolded names was nice as it drew my attention to the characters. Now for the story, I liked the first person narrative from the uncle. The fact that he was talking to himself gives a look into his psychological state. I know that this character's relationship to Aladdin and even Aladdin's relationship to the throne were changed. However, it does seem strange that the sultan's uncle would expect the throne. Typically, the throne is passed down to the King's son and not his brother. Anyways, I really enjoyed the magical jacket as it was a nice little plot twist from the traditional lamp. Great job, and I look forward to reading more!
ReplyDeleteYour introduction does an excellent job of setting up your story and telling just enough to interest the Rader, but not enough to spoil the tale. It reminded me of a good book cover... it made me want to click over to the first story. Great job with this!
ReplyDeleteAzaam's introduction instantly made me think of Scar from the Lion King. You switched verb tenses in the last paragraph of the first section of your story. I'm not sure if it was intentional, but it was a little confusing. I really like how it's a genie of a jacket rather than a lamp, it's a much more practical item.
I really like how you're mixing Disney's rendition of Aladdin with the original Arabian Night's version. I also think it's brilliant to switch the roles of Aladdin and his princess. It feels like Cinderella meets The Lion King meets Aladdin and I could not be more excited to continue reading it. Great job!
Akriti,
ReplyDeleteSo first off I really like your introduction and the spin you are putting on this story! This is such a well-known story, even with the original details, that it is nice that you are completely switching it up. I also love that you're letting the woman come in and change Aladdin's life, that is also a nice change. I also really like the names you chose, they fit the story well. A minor detail is the last sentence of the second to last paragraph of your first story seems to be in the wrong tense. Something that is confusing to me is why would the Sultan get to pick the next Sultan? Typically the son always takes over the throne, and the brother is not considered for the position. So if you want to make that a main motivation of the uncle you might want to set some precedence like, "on the Sultan's 60th birthday it is tradition he picks the successor to the throne from among his eligible male relatives". All in all I really like what you have so far!
Hello!
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed reading this cool little twist on Aladdin. Your introduction gave me a good idea of what to expect while reading your first story. I like how your introduction is more of an address to your audience, rather than a piece of the story. It let me know what changes you were going to make ahead of time and where the the story you are basing it off of comes from. As for the first story, I am super impressed! I didn't expect that it would be from the perspective of the magician. It is always good to perfectly understand the intentions of the "villain" and you did that well here. The end of the story also gives us a peak into the perspective of Aladdin and how he is going to be able to escape the mountain. Lastly, your author's note was really good. It is similar to your introduction, which is good if someone were to not read it. I look forward to the rest you your story.
Hey, Akriti!
ReplyDeleteFirst off, I love that you have flipped the script on Aladdin, making Aladdin a rich prince and Zakiya a poor commoner! I am eager to read about how the dynamic in their relationship changes as a result of their new roles. I think you could really dig into some social issues there, if that's a direction you want your Storybook to take.
As you wrote, did you struggle to differentiate your story from the Disney film? Is that a goal of your Storybook, or would you rather reflect Disney's classic? I am writing about the Roman/Greek Gods, and have had some difficulty not writing my characters like those from Hercules. I would love to read one of your genies as Robin Williams; maybe the other could be in stark contrast from his humor and warmth? Whatever qualities your characters take on, I am excited to keep reading!
Hey, Akriti! I am very impressed with the development of your storybook. I would like to start by commenting on your introduction. I really liked how you took the time to explain the original stories as well as the characters. Although it is based on a well known story, you cannot assume everyone know about Aladdin. I think that you did a great job of introducing the story and your twist to it. One technique that really stuck out to me was your the different type of text and effects you used. I really enjoyed that and may try to use it in my own writing soon!
ReplyDeleteAlso, I am such a disney fan! I love all of the movies so I am very excited to see where the rest of the stories will go. Will you include other disney characters? Anyways, I will be back to your storybook soon to see what new stories you come up with!
Hi Akriti,
ReplyDeleteYour storybook immediately drew my attention. I absolutely love Disney movies and I especially love the story of Aladdin. Your introduction did a great job of introducing your characters by using brief explanations, along with an intro to Aladdin for those who have forgotten the original story. That's a great way to start out. One thing that really stood out to me about all of your stories was your writing format. I really liked all of the dialogue exchanges between the different characters. There is only one thing that I would recommend - think about adding some photos to give the readers an illustration of the characters or settings. I know it seems like something minor, but for me, it really helps me to dive into the story and imagine everything happening in my head. But other than that, you did a great job!
I also just want to say that I am so impressed that you have completed all of your stories! I have been so busy in my other classes that I am just now starting on my second story. So great job!! I really look forward to staying in touch with this storybook.
Hi Akriti!
ReplyDeleteI would like to start out by complimenting the beauty of your pages! All of the photos are amazing and add so much to each of your stories and to your comment wall.
Also, from the get-go, I was so excited to read your stories. I think that making your stories all about something many of us are familiar with was a fabulous idea. By the looks of it, it even got you excited about your project! I am so impressed by all that you have done.
As far as content goes, you did a great job providing thorough explanations that allow those that aren't completely familiar with the original story a glimpse as to where you got the ideas. I think it would be so cool to include some other movie characters or maybe even a movie clip into one of your stories.
Thank you so much for sharing and I look forward to reading more of your work in the future!
Nice to meet your Akriti!
ReplyDeleteI just finished reading your first story, "Why Not Me". At first I thought you were retelling a Myth-Folklore story into the story of Aladdin, but I was amazed to find out that Aladdin was actually a part Myth-Folklore. Although I did love that you recreated your Aladdin to be a clone of the one from the Disney movie, I was not aware that Disney added so much to the character, namely the monkey, as opposed to the original Folklore. If in my class, as I am from Indian Epics we get the oppurtunity to read another story from your class with our own choice in whose we read I will definetely be reading some more of yours! I love how you created an entire storybook based off of Aladdin. I also love the movie and having had seen it before many times, it makes it easier to read your story.
Hi Krits!! :) I am in the Indian Epics course taught by Dr. Gibbs and I am just dropping by to read some of the Myth-Folklore projects! Honestly, I did not even see your name at first but the title "A Whole New World" caught my eye because it reminded me of Disney princesses in general and of course Aladdin and Jasmine. In your Introduction, I enjoyed how you literally set the stage for your whole Storybook. You gave readers pertinent background story and information, and you outlined and described the main characters that readers will get to know throughout the Storybook. In all of your stories thus far, there is this unique urge and alluring aspect about them that makes me and probably other readers want to read more. The stories are descriptive and funny yet still focuses at the topic at hand. This quality is so unique to have when it comes to telling stories and I think you got it, Krits. :) I enjoyed how you put the character's name (i.e., (ALADDIN)) that each story kind of focuses on at the beginning because it allows readers to know ahead of time what that central perspective is from. I am curious to know if readers will hear a story from the perspective of Zakiya...Overall, what a wonderful project you have created, Krits! Way to go:)
ReplyDeleteHi Akriti! I'm in Indian Epics this semester, and I'm really enjoying reading Mythology and Folklore stories that are so different from Indian epics this week. First in "Why Not Me?" I like how you made sure to give Azzam a motivation to hate his brother and Aladdin when the Sultan Insulted him. I wonder if you can explore more of how Azzam's rage grew as he goes from thinking "He thinks I'm just an entertainer!" to "He thinks of me as a joke." I feel like that might be an interesting place to delve into the emotions of the main antagonist and give him some more depth.
ReplyDeleteI love how you flipped the roles of Aladdin and the princess in the original, and the way you introduce it in "Am I Dreaming?" by having her pick the lock is a fun way of letting the reader know Zakiya is the street smart one in this story.
Hey there, Akriti!
ReplyDeleteI was excited to check out your storybook when I read the project title. It definitely gave me some Disney vibes. I loved watching Disney movies when I was young, so I was pulled in from the start. When I read the introduction I was happy to see that you followed suit and delivered some amazing stories about Aladdin. I was in the Myth Folklore class last semester and remember reading the Arabian Nights stories. Those were definitely some of my favorite. I think you are doing a great job staying true to the source and adding in your own creative touch. The website layout also looks great. It is very easy to navigate and has some great background images. I think the introduction also does a great job of providing the reader some great background information before reading the stories. I encourage you to keep up the great work! You are on the right track here.
Hi Akriti! Thank you for sharing your storybook with us! I am really loving the layout design of this website. It's a bold option and I always appreciate boldness in courage specifically in relation to design and patterns. Great job at the organizational side of things as well, here! Your stories are super unique and intricate, I definitely appreciated all the twists you gave that were clear and concise and left no details out, yet still let the reader hang on and continue wishing and hoping for the next story or plot change. You have a really creative side to your writing and that is of the most importance, in my opinion! You have a gift in that. Thank you again for sharing! I look forward to reading more from you and your stories to come. Have a great week 11!
ReplyDeleteHello Akriti!
ReplyDeleteI love your idea for your portfolio! Aladdin is one of my favorite children's stories, and I had no idea that there was so much more to it. The flow of your portfolio is great. It's super easy to read and the titles of the tabs fit well with what that particular part of the story describes. The pictures are also a great visual! The story itself flowed great as well. There were no parts that were dragged out or anything too short! The only thing I would recommend is maybe add a bit more descriptive words to the scenery to help the readers gain a better mental image of what your story's world looks like. I always find that to help me connect really well with the story! I also liked how you made Zakiya not seem like a damsel in distress and she actually fought back! Overall, I enjoyed your stories and wish you luck with the rest of the semester!
Hi Akriti!
ReplyDeleteWOW! You've tied your project and comment wall very well! The design and layout of your website is phenomenal. I just got done reading your introduction and I loved how you chose to change up Aladdin's background. I read through the story once and was just amazed and read back through it again for anything that could help you improve your story. Unfortunately I couldn't find anything wrong. Your introduction was short and gave enough information to entice the reader to continue to venture through the rest of you project. I cannot wait to read your "Why Not Me?" story next!
Way to go on finishing up your project! Good luck on finishing the rest of your semester. Also forgot to mention, what a brilliant idea to pick you project based on the stories of Aladdin. I always loved watching Aladdin growing up and fun fact I made it a point to get a picture with Aladdin and DisneyWorld!
DeleteAkriti,
ReplyDeleteThis is my first time viewing your project and I am very impressed! First off, your theme of Aladdin instantly drew me in, and you banner images/pictures chosen throughout the project are wonderful! I love that you tied your comment wall and project theme together, it is very nice! It's nice that in your introduction you gave a quick recap of what happened previously. This could be useful for those who are unfamiliar with Aladdin and his adventures (although I hope everyone is!).
I'm going to focus on your second story, Genie, Oh Genie. The dialogue that you added was great! I could really picture in my head what was going on. You are really great at describing the scene and I liked the way you portrayed the character of the Genie. After reading your author's note, I want to applaud you for changing up the plot so much! You have really created a whole new plot, and that is not easy to do! And I think Aladdin 2.0 is a really cute and fun name for your work. Great job and congrats on finishing your project!
Hey Akriti,
ReplyDeleteI am a sucker for anything and all things Disney so I am so glad your project is Aladdin themed. It also seems like the most fitting for Indian Epics so great choice of theme! First of all, you have so much of your storybook done; it is really impressive, especially because everything is such great quality! The different take on the genie in Genie, Oh Genie is really creative and imaginative. That was probably my favorite part because I like the idea of a genie so much. Though, Genies always take things so literally in other stories that the wishes go bad so I am glad that did not happen, but I was surprised that Aladdin wasted a wish on getting out of the cave. Altogether, it seems like you have a solid storybook and I am so excited to see it all put together in the end! Thanks for sharing your story.
Hi Akriti! Last time I read your storybook, it was just the introduction. I wondered how your story would stack up to the original, and I have to say: great job! You really took the original characters and themes and made them your own. I like that you blended elements from the traditional story and the disney retelling. On top of that, the whole thing had a light and fun atmosphere that made reading your storybook enjoyable. I smiled that even at the end of this story, the magician was starting to plot his revenge.
ReplyDeleteOne thing that you pull off really well is the shifting perspectives. While of course we’re all rooting for Aladdin, the parts that are told by Azzam are just as entertaining. I love his cockiness and unreliability as a narrator. The “injustice” that he rages at in the first story gives a lot of color to his character and makes the rest of his actions believable. Overall, this was an awesome read and I’m struggling to think of anything I would change. It might be cool to get more of the genies’ personalities to shine through?
Hi Akriti!
ReplyDeleteFirst off, I love the different headers on your website, they definitely help with the story telling.
I enjoyed your introduction and how you explained the original Arabian Nights tales and well as the characters you would be using in your stories. I really enjoyed the second story in your storybook, “Genie, Oh Genie.” The way the reading flowed differently from the other stories, such as “Why Not Me?” really helped me get a sense of Aladdin and Genie’s personalities. I also like how you switched the magic item to be a jacket. It fit well with the accidental rubbing and releasing of the genie. Something I wondered about while reading your story is why Aladdin trusted what Genie said so quickly. Genie describes how he granted the wish about vanishing a little brother, which is what got him trapped in the jacket. Aladdin’s first thought was “Poor Genie, oh genie!” I do like that that was the story’s title, but I wonder how things might be different if Aladdin was a little distrustful at first. Maybe he would question genie as to why he took wishes so literally?
This story was really well written, and I applaud you for already having the whole thing finished!
Hi Akriti! Last time I visited your storybook site it only had the introduction, so it's cool to come back to it now that there are so many stories! I really enjoyed your first story and appreciated how you flipped the perspective to the villain! I think it's a refreshing change to the original and it really makes the reader contextualize the story in a completely different way. Also, making Aladdin be the Sultan's son instead of a random poor boy is a great twist! These sorts of changes, like that and the genie being tied to a jacket instead of a lamp, are particularly effective for your storybook, since at a minimum the Disney version of your source is probably familiar to all of us in the class. I think it's great that you decided to alter the plot so much for this reason, while still giving us the intro and first story to ground us in something a little more familiar. If I had one criticism, it would be that the second story doesn't seem to advance the plot very far and seems like it could have been shortened and worked into another section. Otherwise, fantastic job!
ReplyDeleteWow, this is such a great storybook! I really admire how you created and introduced each characters to everything can be clear and enjoyable to read. I also love your influence for these stories. Aladdin was always one of my favorites growing up, and it is so cool to see the tale in a different light. My only thoughts as far as criticism, would be to clear up the second story just a little bit. It seemed a little long and could have been dispersed through out other stories. I truly enjoyed your writings, your creativity and writing skills really shined through this storybook and I am eager to read more of this!
ReplyDeleteHi Akriti, your storybook is so cleverly written! You have done a great job at being able to tell the story so that I feel like I am a part of it. I also like that you remind readers who is telling the story at the beginning of every story, it's a great way to center the audience. I love the changes you have made by switching the two roles of the main characters. Having Zakiya as the 'street rat' and Aladdin as the prince is brilliant and a great change in the tory. I like to two genies in this story. Your storybook gives me the idea to write some sort of short story from the genie's point of view about what it is like to constantly be at the orders of others. I noticed a few small grammatical errors in your last two stories, but they didn't impair the quality of reading.
ReplyDeleteOverall, great job and you have written an excellent storybook!
Hi Akriti! I could tell from just reading your introduction that I was in for a “Whole New World.” You introduction is great because it tells your readers that you are going to write about Aladdin but add a bunch of new things to the original story. I like how in your first story you have the Uncle imprison Aladdin in between the two mountains. However, I wonder if that will come back to bite him as he revealed to Aladdin that he is not a very nice uncle. If I were in the magician’s place I think I would put on a mask or something to keep my identity secret. For your last story I have a question as a reader. How did Azzam use the pendant for so long but not realize that a genie was inside? I realize that he didn’t know it contained a genie but how would that be possible if he used it all the time? Also how did Zakiya take the pendant off of him if she was transported to the dungeon with the black smoke? These are just some things I would address, other than that you did a wonderful job!
ReplyDelete